ThingOne and ThingTwo

There are two women who go to the gym each day at about the same time I do, and they're the youngish, mid-twenties, mean girl types.  You know the ones.  The ones who constantly have this expression on their faces.



They're both in great shape, no issue there, but I often catch them watching me (and others) as they work out -- then they'll quickly look away and whisper to each other and glance back with  . . . that look.  The look designed to make us average humans feel judged and want to crawl under a rock.

I've nicknamed them ThingOne and ThingTwo.

Subtlety -- not their thing.

And as mature and evolved as I am on most days (did'ya snort laugh at that?  didjya?  me too.  Almost couldn't type it), these girls irritate me.  I try very hard to smile pleasantly at them and ignore their bitchy looks and whispery discourse . . . and I see others at the gym trying to ignore them as well. . . .  but I'm not going to lie.  I really just want to smack them in the head with a dumbbell.

Well yesterday, nature did it for me.  ThingTwo (the brunette . . . ThingOne is a redhead) dropped a weight on her foot.  I'm sure it hurt (chuckle . .. probably a lot . . .  giggle), and ThingOne made a big production of helping her over to a bench and having her sit down, all the while looking around the gym as if to say "Ice, little people, someone bring us some ice!"

No one did.  I glanced around and it was fascinating to see how interested all the other gym goers were in the clock, the TVs, their iPods . . . ANYthing but ThingOne and ThingTwo.  Even more interesting was the thinly veiled glee with which everyone tried to avoid eye contact with them and the attempts to suppress laughter (varying degrees of success on the laughter suppression efforts  . . . , but to their credit, virtually everyone at least tried).

I really like my gym because ThingOne and ThingTwo aside, most of the people who go there are just normal people like me.  It's not like the L.A. Fitness or other GloboGyms where people are there to see and be seen.  The trainers and staff are all very nice, and the people who work out here are all ages and fitness levels.  It's comfortable.  People smile at my gym and I really like that.

But yesterday, I felt an enhanced sense of camaraderie with the people at Platinum Fitness . . . A shared sense of "that's not how we play here."

I don't wish ThingTwo ill and I sincerely hope her foot is feeling better.  I also wish her (and ThingOne) a little humility -- there is something wrong with everyone.  It's the one thing we all share.  The one thing that makes us ok.

 . . .  after they left, I carefully wiped the vaseline off the weights they were using.
                   (just kidding).