I woke with the best of intentions: abs, abs, abs. What I was given was a stomachache that lasted the entire day, and is still with me (although soothed by brown rice pasta and the promise of dessert for Fred's birthday).
Tomorrow, as they say, is a new day. A better day. I will hill-climb, work on my arms, shoulders and another attempt at a chin-up (really, all I want right now is one). I will throw abs in there if my body lets me. I will also contact CSUN about their Journalism for Social Media program, along with UCLA Extension. I feel as if making these changes and meeting these challenges is energizing me. There is no stopping me, except for me. I won't let that happen.
I did have the awful thought of "What if this was to happen on race day? What do people do? What if I have my period?" Anything can happen, but I will be energized, with my dirty blonde partner who is such an amazing friend and sister-egg. I can do this. We can do this. We will do this.
I love you, Beth. This will be great. I am picturing the two of us jumping off the platform into the icy cold water, holding hands and grinning from ear to ear. I can't wait. We have almost 5 months to train. It will happen. We will show the naysayers. We will raise money for the Wounded Warrior Project. We will post photos and videos. We will triumph.
It wasn't a great day for me either. I went to sleep feeling stressed and scattered.
ReplyDeleteWoke up for the day at 3:30 a.m. It's now 4:45 and I am thinking perhaps taking a run might calm my mind and help me focus.
I am firing in a million different directions and when I feel this way all I really want is to structure, organize, and be granted the time to do that on my own. That never happens though and so I feel like the world is waiting for me to screw things up and all of the naysayers are nipping at my heels waiting for me to fail.
Intellectually, I know this problem is 100% mental and the means to get over it is 100% mine ... I just have to focus.
But at 3:00 a.m., when I haven't slept a wink it's really hard to figure out where to start.
Lots of little voices saying "you should X" or "you should y" or "you should be better at z"
Need to clear the decks and get centered again.
You will. You are so strong, both inside and out. I know firsthand just how easy it is to replay the "you should"'s. Running (or some form of "me time") in the evening is a great idea. I just worry about your safety while running alone at night. Go get 'em. We can do this.
DeleteMimi -- I wonder if your stomach ache and my insomnia are similar in origin.
ReplyDeleteI know my issue is that there are a million directions I can go professionally and personally and I can't seem to filter them down to one targeted and focused plan.
I think my mind is using this race as a mini-escape from that because the goals here are simple. 1) Train 2) Get stronger 3) Succeed.
They're probably just as simple in the other areas of my life if I could just pick a single direction and head that way.
Of course there will be butterflies in our stomach's on race day, but the excitement and cameraderie will win out and we'll have a great time.
Right now. I just want my race life to be more like my real life.
You I trust. I know we have similar goals. I know we can push through and achieve them.
It would be nice if the rest of life were as reassuring.
That's exactly where I'm at! Professionally, I miss design. I love design. Unfortunately I walked away from it when H was in the accident and needed me. I will never regret that, but I did walk away from my clients, resources and knowledge of all new ideas/trends/products.
ReplyDeleteI then started a small business that I had no desire to start as opposed to the wholesale/retail gluten-free bakery that I was working on. I was 'nudged' into it, even after i had the "There's no way that this will ever be more than a hobby business" discussion. That's all that it was, and I understand that all of the profit from the sale of the product had to go toward our living expenses, but wow. I learned so much, but the most important thing is that i learned how important it is to think for myself and not let anyone sway me.
I want to go back to school, but there is the cost factor, the 'I should be working anywhere right now' factor, and the decision of Fundraising (which I am really good at) or Journalism for Social Media (which I would love and be excited by). What to do, what to do?
I am awake by 4:45 every morning, not by choice but by the unknown. So much unknown. I know that you are right there as well. I trust you as well - know that. You will always tell me the truth - I know this, and I can't tell you just how much i appreciate this. I don't want to make bad decisions because I can't see the big picture/want immediate gratification/am just not smart enough to choose the right path.
We can push through, and do this. Let it be a start of something new for both of us. I love you, always.
By the way -- I'm sure you've already connected the two -- but I can see one (journalism) as a mechanism to build the other (fundraising) and a means to tap into scattered and diverse markets without scattering your intent.
ReplyDeleteSocial media has an interesting algorithm and it provides astounding opportunities to reach people.
Nick keeps telling me that there has to be a way to put all of the patterns I see in the way people communicate and the relationships I find in seemingly unrelated items into some sort of difference engine algorithm. He tells me that my brain processes naturally what computers are still trying to figure out.
I'm not so sure if that is true -- but I think the relationship between social media and fundraising sure has interesting potential.
I like the notion that social media can become socially relevant media . . . and I can see a million connections spiraling from that particular hub.
FWIW, I think you could do both.
And -- as you already know. I'm happy to be your early morning sounding board. Perhaps this is the reason we both wake up. :)